Saturday, May 8, 2010


Its going to be three months since I last post. Actually, I have been wanting to let go my feelings, frustrations, whatever whatever here for a couple of times before now, but just did not get to do it, cos I have two friends sharing the bad times with me.

Why did I come now? Cos I miss the time when me and husband were dating. I am seeing pictures of my niece and her bf ... so loving. Before that, one of my good friend had her birthday surprise from her hubby, so I envy lah. I asked my dh last night, will our relationship goes into plain water stage. He actually replied "no". However, deep in my heart, I feel it is almost there.

My sister in law told me that she read it somewhere, that hugging daily with hubby will actually improves the couple's relationship and they have been doing it. I did tell my dh that, but I cannot remember the response he gave me. Anyway, we did not carry it out. Sometimes, I think we both do not even exchange more than 10 sentences a day. I guess most people will think it is alright hor, since man goes to the office and not at home most of the time.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel that I owe him alot. He has to work to pay for all the bills, and he has to be the driver all the time, and he has to buy this housewife a laptop where she just use it for silly purposes etc. On the other hand, sometimes I feel that I do not owe him alot, cos I work later than him, I have less ME time and I have to sacrifice my sleep sometimes to get ME time (on the pc only). Don't know, very contradicting.

Deep down, I wish we can be a little more loving. Sitting closer when watching TV, sleeping closer on the bed, doing housework together. How do you feel when you see a couple, each taking an end of a 3 seater? or each taking an end of a King size bed?


Elaine said...

Try to look at the little things he does for the family. Like when you are tire, he volunteers to take over. Things that seems so normal but we often take for granted. etc etc. It doesn't have to be romantic gestures to show that he cares.

At the same time you can take the initiative to show physical affection to him. Like when he is watching TV, you try to sit near and give him foot massage/shoulder massage etc.

Often I feel the same like you. Like I feel guilty that he he has to be the breadwinner and yet I complain about this and that. And at the same time, I feel like I am scarifying a lot of the family and children.

The bottom line is there is no right or wrong. There is no who is scarifying more. It is more about a couple giving, to the family to build the family together. Both has their contribution and it is team work of husband and wife.

sherlyn said...


I do look at the little things he does, even the big things. It is this "look" that helped me go thru those countless times of "upsetting moments".

Take initiative to show physical affection. I did, but most of the time, there is only action, no reaction, so sian liao.

Ya, there should be no "who is sacrificing more and who is less" but at times, just upset lor. Blame it on the hormones?

It is not so much abt who is sacrificing but sometimes I wish me and him were closer. This problem bugs me more now after we are married.

Worry Mum said...

friend, is still that sentence... 感情好累啊! 看开点吧!

khengyan said...

hm, would like to know how 轰轰烈烈 was your pre-kids days ... hugging all the time and holding hands all the time?? Or wat went missing after kids come along ... u know wat silly thing we (ie me and my hubby) do now, we finally can hold hands when we go out when the boys run ahead... and after a few secs, they all run back and start wanting us to hold their hands inside. you can feel the 心 one ... can try leaving little notes like "drive carefully", "remember drink more water" ...


sherlyn said...

Hi, did not know you read the posts here too.

Sad to say, my pre kids day and dating days are not at all 轟轟烈烈, but i think it definitely is better than nowadays.

Holding hands not really silly, it is very 溫馨的。We do not do that even if the kids are running infront of us in West Coast Park. We just walk behind them. We usually each hold a kid, or hold both kids and the other walk free.

I must admit, sometimes he does things out of sudden, like recently a trip to ikea, kids went into the playroom and we have to loiter in ikea for that hour ... we hold hands for like 5 minutes? Ya I am happy .. but perhaps these kind of moments should come more often.

Leave notes .. oh I did, I even leave sms. When I first establish the "rule" of wiping dry the dishes before putting back up to the dish rack, I do the wiping dry while he washes and rinses, hoping he get the hint that he can help me when I am the one washing and rinsing (lead by example mah), but so far, no.

Anyway, 人是我選的,and the goals changes with age and time .. so perhaps like what Irene says, must learn to let go.