Its all the fault of CNY

I have to rant. I'll have been shopping ard but I still cant find "attire" for CNY.
I have too much restriction, plus the current body size, alot of nice looking clothes doesn't look nice on me anymore.

Tired to drag my kids along to shop too .. such a hassle.

我曾拥有吗？

刚看完我表妹的facebook 照片 。。。 看到的是一个快乐，漂亮的女孩。我曾告诉她，我羡慕她，不过她说我也曾是过来人。我只能同意一半。我是曾经二十多岁过，但好象日子没她快乐，多姿多彩。我并没有早婚，但婚后自然赶在三十岁前生子，然后我就为一对儿女而活了。希望以后孩子大了，我还能追逐我想追逐的梦。我看我还是继续做白日梦吧。

Busy and happy

Another year is coming to an end .. nothing much achieved this year and I am not very happy about it.

Nothing improved, not even my weight. Its quite torturing to see those around me dressing up so nicely for the festive while I can't even find a nice outfit for CNY. Nothing look nice on my plump body. Been wasting my time dragging my kids and dh with me shopping around for nothing. I really hate CNY.

Not too sure why, I started my spring cleaning early so that I have ample time to finish what I shd, but still its end Dec and nothing much has been done. These last two weeks has been most busy cos a last minute decision to tag along with hubby to KL so that he can bring the kids to genting over the weekend when he is not working burnt away some days. Then there are loads of washing to do when we came back.

I also won 4 tickets to "fly" on singapore flyer, and had 2 complimentary entry to public swimming pool (which I aim to use it for Jurong swimming pool) expiring end of this year. Plus we just came back from a weekend stay at sheraton. DH exchanged points for the stay cos the points are expiring too. So the kids are enjoying themselves with the hotel stays. I still have to make time to bring them to tanglin for some "snow fun". Its just a few more days away from school reopen. *sigh* tiring but as long as the kids are happy, I am happy.

It is also very long since I had a real holiday, and this weekend stay, I really feel like holiday. We went bugis junction to shop and hubby brought the kids back to hotel first while I continue my shopping after dinner till 9pm. Its really the first time I feel so happy, able to have some time on my own and not worrying abt the kids. Too bad its always more hardwork after happiness (ie the laundry and other housework).

Stress

Everyone has stress .... including stay at home mums. Now, I
am stress from bad time management (never good at it), and
recently, feeling stress with a hardworking husband. He reads
alot, and are serious books like financial books, self
improvement books .. while me, only at cook books.
He can take a long time to read papers, and almost all sections,
from local news, to world news, to financial, to sports, while
me just like the KPO news on entertainment. Sounds like I am
a good for nothing. 一点也不长进。

I am not sure if I can keep up with my hubby. We may drift
apart if we go on like this. I do not know what we have in
common, besides the two kids ... :-(

我也有十年了

刚看到朋友提到她今年10th year anniversary了。不知她是纪念订婚十年， 还是结婚十年， 还是拍拖十年。 但我今年结婚十年了。戒指克着DDMM98. 我的结婚十年纪念日已过，但并没有什么仪式。再过一个半月，结婚十年纪念“年”也将走进历史。是有那么一点点难过， 但老公说还有很多个十年呢。我以为已经对“那些特别日子不被老公重视”的感觉麻木了，怎么还会难过呢？

enjoying life ?

Me ? Not really. But I have a friend telling me how she would
like to enjoy life like me. However, I did not know I have a life
that I can enjoy leh (ok, I do occassionally) .

I wake up early like every working adult does, except I do
manual jobs instead of sitting infront of the PC (on a cushioned
chair) in an air con environment. What manual jobs? Imagine
the cleaning lady that drops by your office, the cleaning
lady in the laundry shop, the chef in the hawker centre, the
teacher in the childcare etc. I think I hardly sit down accept
the 30 minutes per meal time (making sure  my kids eat) and
the time I spent infront of my PC (on cushioned chair, luckily)
which is usually at night after the kids sleep.

I am not complaining. I have to be in this job, cos I really
don't like to compete and "fight" in the working world. I
am not very competent, so I guess I am better off as a
SAHM where I do not need to compete with anyone.
Anyway, I guess competition do exist in SAHM world, if
I want to 钻牛角尖。 I have to ask myself, how come other
SAHM can manage the household so well alone, homeschool
their kids, cook nice delicious meals, etc etc ... while me ....

Aiya, I think I have to 认命. 我就是不比人家好啦。But I guess
I should try to improve on it soon ... to be on the positive side.

stupid mood

Its late, 220am, but its the usual time I sleep almost daily.
Tired but moody... has been almost 2 weeks. I thot it will come
and go as my "大姨妈” is round the corner earlier on, but now
that it has come and gone, I am still moody. I don't know what's
wrong but this is the place where I can talk to myself since
my friends are mostly not free now.

very 烦 leh. The meals are badly prepared, all cos I am moody.
When I am not in good mood, I am not in the mood to do
anything, so everything from meals to the housework are not
done in proper. Fed up. Have not been touching my baking and
beading too. Could it be early menopause?

Hope my mood will change for the better soon.

Now I think I shd go sleep, else I will have to drown
myself with coffee again.

I got to shop for PLUS sizes?

Been window shopping online .. nothing suits me, at least not
those within my budget. I have small breast, big waist, bigger
tummy. Some size charts just use height and bust size, so
worry that the waist can't fit. Got to look for those loose loose
cutting but usually those slim fit cutting looks nicer in the
pictures.

Was telling hubby just now .. old man, big tummy, rich, still
got woman want (even if it is for the money), but old woman,
think will not be so lucky if she is with big tummy.

Did try to do exercise .. doing sit up nightly for two months
few months ago, but suffer neck problem, perhaps method
not correct ? anyway, must work harder to get myself slim
down a little .. I am already wearing XL size pants!

不要喊可以吗？

Who do you think said that? Me to the kids? Wrong. My hubby
said that to me, while I am outside preparing dinner.

I know it is no good to shout. All parenting magazines and books
say that, but can you imagine, with kids doing dangerous stunts
all the time, fighting all the time, how many times can I leave
the task I am doing and speak to them softly infront of them?
Somemore, its no use speaking softly to them if I am not near
enough, cos they will be playing or fighting so loudly that nothing
will be heard.

Sick

Started with hubby, then the boy got it, then me.
Whenever hubby get sick and it spreads, he will blame himself.
Who wants to spread germs right? But as a parent, there is
nothing much you can do, cos you still got to stay in the same
house, accept different rooms.

Sigh, my boy, fever 6 days, now only recovering. Seen doctor
twice, got 4 days MC in total. Me still flu-ing away too ..

Quite proud of myself. Whenever family members get ill,
they tend to sleep more but me? I still got to run the
household, from daily laundry to meals. Can you imagine,
when I told my mother that I may buy dinner from outside
on the day I had fever, she asked me "You sick till you cant
cook?". *sigh* So, my kids get simple home cook dishes.
I did get a 45minutes nap on the first day of fever, but I
wake up regularly to monitor my boy's fever leh.

Anyway  I seldom fall sick, and actually nothing to proud of
since what I did are the normal SAHM duties which all SAHM
are capable or better than I am.

Sometimes I wonder, if I am too sick to cook, who would then
cook for my kids who are sick too (and shd avoid outside food) ...

House keeping

Making space for kids' stuff, so trying to dispose the old
magazines. They are my treasures leh, but got to go lah, else
I really have no more place to put the books that I just took
over from hubby's cousin.

Those are home and decor magazines .. some of them are
almost 10 years old (dated 1999!) so can you see what a
person I am? After this lot, I have to clear my magazines
that I bought from HK. Those are fashion magazines, so
definitely useless now, but I kept them cos I bought those on
my first trip to Hong Kong and Hong Kong is one of my
favourite country.

I think I really have to do more frequent housekeeping, else
I will end up like my mother, a whole room of junks
(or treasures, depending on how I see it).

Am I that bad?

Realise I did not have much friends in facebook. OK, I really
seldom use facebook anyway, but .... I realise, alot of my
ex-colleagues are friends with each other but not me ...

Not sure what's wrong with me .. I did not back stab them,
nor did I bad mouth abt them ... nor did I ...

Anyway my character is such, if I know I am not being regarded
as friend, then I shall not go disturb them. I am still hoping
to have gatherings with them .. I shall not hope for that from
now on.

我想瘦一点

我觉得我太胖了。好想瘦些些。其实我并不是大吃大喝那种，平
时就是爱吃点零食，难道那一点享受都要剥夺吗？

leaving baby at home or using a stroller

Read an article yesterday on papers. Its roughly about
complains that parents with strollers are generally
inconveniencing others. Some mentioned that the parents did
not fold their strollers in a crowded train, using the strollers to
push their ways through crowds, hurt the person's leg infront
of the stroller ... etc. One even commented
that "baby should be left at home".

Am quite sad to see these comments. I am a mother myself
but I seldom use the stroller since it is really inconvenient to
use. Its quite heavy to support the stroller with the baby
while on the escalator, and it is definitely troublesome when
met with staircases.

Anyway there could be many reasons why there are cases of
strollers not folded in a crowded train. It could be that the
mother has her hands full .. imagine having to carry the baby,
managing a big bag of baby related stuff, then trying to fold
the stroller? 

Similarly there could also be many reasons why the stroller
knocked into your heels. It could be that the walker has slowed
down the speed of walking? So usually when I use the stroller,
I keep my distance away from the person infront. Would I then
be called "road hog" ?

Would any mother risk her baby in the stroller and use the
stroller to push her way through the crowd? unless the baby
is not inside the stroller.

Leaving baby at home ? Perhaps the mother has no choice,
with no one to help her look after the baby and she has to run
errands ... how can she leave the baby at home then?

I think one really has to go through the stage before one can
understand what's going on at that stage.